When I Realized God Accepted Me

By Judy Mills

Photo by Joshua Newton  @momentsbyjosh

Photo by Joshua Newton @momentsbyjosh

I wanted to live a good Christian life.

It’s not the most popular statement to make, but from the time I was little, it’s the life I saw myself living.

My struggle wasn’t: do I want to be a Christian? The problem was whether or not God wanted anything to do with me.

I’d observe the relationship other people had with God. They used phrases like “God told me,” and “God led me.” They talked to him — and seemed to hear back from him, too. From my perspective, they had something special with God, something I didn’t have.

I began to believe: “God, you must not want that type of relationship with me.” It seemed a logical conclusion. Given all I’d done and the poor choices I’d made, why would God want to be close to me?

WHEN GOD DOESN’T FEEL CLOSE

There’s a woman who pronounced a “not good enough” verdict on herself, too. She drew water from a well in the middle of the day. The midday timing of her visit seemed intentional, for other women would have come and gone before the hottest part of the day. She’d be free of their judgmental looks and silent treatment.

Rejected by people, I’m sure she believed she had no chance of being accepted by God, either.

Yet, in walks Jesus. He spent two days with her.  

God’s response to me was similar. Feeling rejected, I decided to stop seeking God. Yet, like the woman at the well, he came looking for me.

GOD COMES LOOKING FOR US

It didn’t happen immediately, but over time I felt God’s presence. In spite of my “ I’m done with God” proclamation, I had a new desire to spend time with him. I read my Bible, and more than ever before, his words made sense. They felt personal.  

Where once God felt distant, he started feeling close.  

Do you feel “not good enough” for God?