Why I Changed My Mind About God

Photo by Siarhei Horbach

I didn’t need God in my life. I was doing well enough without him.

I viewed God as judgmental, outdated, and unnecessary for a girl living her best life in London.

I had my career. Some hiccups along the way, but I was climbing the management structure of the BBC. I ran my own department and frequented meetings with men my father’s age. I worked hard to get there.

I fell in love and married. We worked hard and played hard with friends and work colleagues.

For one whole year, my husband and I searched for our ideal home. As my husband put the key in the lock, he said: “We’ll live here for 10 years at least.” Soon after, I decided I could take a break from my career and start a family. Three months after coming off the pill, I was pregnant. I might have forgotten to mention my plan to my husband.

Imagine his surprise when I told him the news. He was in Massachusetts at the time. He had news for me too. His company wanted him to transfer to the States. Usually one for adventure, nesting instincts kicked in immediately. I didn’t want to move.

Ten months later a For Sale sign hung outside our house, and I boarded a plane with a one-way ticket to Boston and my six-week-old baby in my arms.

HITTING ROCK BOTTOM

This career city-girl turned stay-at-home suburban mom hit rock bottom — hard. Trees, not buildings, surrounded me. I relied on passing strangers to admire my baby, not friends and family. And my husband traveled frequently.

But God, who I had turned my back on, was in loving pursuit of me.

There’s a story in the Bible about a woman who Jesus went out of his way to meet. He deviated from his normal route and waited for her at a well when she came to draw water. She didn’t want anything to do with him at first. But, patiently, he explained the truth to her about himself and God—and she realized he could fulfill her deepest desires.

GOD CAN MEET OUR DEEPEST DESIRES

And that’s what I learned about God. He gave me a detour so he could get my attention.

With the distractions gone — my career, friends, and social life — and not knowing how to go on, I cried out to him. With one desperate prayer,“God, help me,” I discovered him to be loving, relevant, and necessary for my life.

That’s love, isn’t it — someone going out of the way because they believe you’re worthy of attention?

God will do everything necessary to have you and me in his life.

Where have you hit rock bottom?   Where did you look for help?