A Lesson on Learning to Receive Love
“I’m learning that if we want true intimacy and deeper love, they require the vulnerability and trust that come with receiving.”
Photo by Sven Brandsma
Last summer I experienced a love like never before; one that took me by surprise and tugged at my heart until it burst open. It was a love that opened up its home to me, essentially from a stranger, right in the middle of a pandemic. A love that allowed me to stay in its home, rent and grocery free, for two weeks that turned into two months. A love that cooked for me. A love that brought home random gifts to encourage me. A love that made me feel more like a little sister than a guest.
“You can stay with us when you come back into town.”
“Aww, you guys are so sweet…thanks.” Yeah…I’m not too sure about all that, I thought to myself.
Waves of doubt washed over me. Although I was very grateful for the generous gesture, I wasn’t so sure I felt comfortable staying with two of my new boyfriend’s friends, whom I had just met for the first time in person that evening. They were offering me a place to stay with them for two weeks while I was in town for a wedding later that summer. It was definitely a nice gesture, but my own insecurities were all rising to the surface: I didn’t really know them; they didn’t know me; I wouldn’t have my own personal space; I’d be in their personal space, and I feared I’d overstay my welcome. All of these combined to tempt me to respond with a quick, “Thanks, but no thanks.”
CONSIDERING THEIR OFFER
Nevertheless, we were in the middle of a pandemic and I had a family offering me a place to stay for two weeks without any hesitation or fear, despite already having a toddler and newborn to take care of. God’s spirit tugged at me to consider their offer.
Doesn’t that tell you there’s something different about them, Bria? Let go and trust me. Let go and trust my people.
“We’ll have moved into our new home by then and you can have your own room.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course! Don’t worry about where you’ll stay, girl. We’d absolutely love to have you stay with us.”
“Uhm…okay.” Lord, what did I just sign up for?
If I’m being honest, although I’ve read about this type of hospitality and love many times in the Bible, and deep down have always wanted to be a recipient of it, I was finding it difficult to actually receive it. And many of us react the same way, because frankly, we’re simply not used to it. It not only shocked me, but also my family and friends as it was something none of us had ever really come across before. Something had to be weird about these people, right? Or have we ever considered that maybe we just don’t know how to receive this kind of love?
WHY RECEIVING IS HARD
According to Psychology Today’s “5 Reasons Why Receiving is Harder Than Giving,” there are a few different reasons why we might find it difficult to receive. Here are three of them:
We fear the true intimacy that comes with receiving; therefore, we prioritize giving over receiving to protect our hearts and keep people at an arm’s length. We feel safer when relationships remain surface level and transactional.
We don’t want to let go of control. We don’t want to “owe” anyone. Receiving requires trusting that someone doesn't want something back from us. It requires us vulnerably surrendering to just simply receiving a good gift with no expectations, paybacks or strings attached.
We haven’t learned a healthy balance of giving and receiving. We’ve been taught that it is selfish to receive. We might feel shame to receive and embrace being happy at receiving a gift.
I know I have personally battled with all of these reasons in some shape or form throughout my life. But the first reason listed above is the one that really stands out to me; it’s the one I personally feel that Jesus was revealing in my heart through this experience. I’m great at giving compliments and gifts, showing up to serve other people, and regularly sending words of love and encouragement. But when it comes to receiving them, I get embarrassed, tend to clam up a bit, cringe a little inside, and desire to move the conversation along quickly. However, I’m learning that if we want true intimacy and deeper love, they require the vulnerability and trust that come with receiving. Furthermore, they require faith. If you open up to someone and the love they are trying to give you, but they end up hurting you down the line (knowing we all are imperfect and make mistakes), we need to have faith that we will still be ok, and know that things are working out for our good.
Faith and love involve trusting that at the center of this world is a Being overflowing with love for his world. The purpose of our existence is to receive this love through Jesus and others, and then give it back to others. This creates an ecosystem of others-focused, self-giving love -- one in which we don’t have to live in fear of giving or receiving love, but can freely receive and give it as God so freely lavishes it on us.
Do you struggle to receive love? Can you recognize any of the reasons listed above in your own life as to why that might be so?