Celebrating and Embracing What’s New and Unexpected
“The important thing is to view the good-bye as a launch into a hello — into a new adventure for everyone.”
Photo by Janelle Pol
Unlike a seasoned trapeze artist, I am terrified that when I let go of my bar and am suspended in air, the receiving bar will be absent. And I will learn too late that someone forgot to set up the net below.
Have you ever felt like this, either in a dream or in real life? We don’t have to be a trapeze artist to experience this sensation in life. Saying good-bye or releasing our grip on something in order to embrace something new can give us the same terrified feeling.
I interviewed a woman recently about becoming a member of a therapy group. I explained that people start and stop the group at various times, and that we give members a small celebration when it is their time to move on. She said, “Oh, this group is definitely not for me; I don’t do good-byes.”
I completely understand that sentiment. Besides the obvious — it can be devastating to lose someone we care about — it’s the same reason I’m terrified of what happens when I “let go of the trapeze bar.”
SEEING A NEW ADVENTURE
When we transition from the safe, or even the “very bad,” there’s always a risk that things could get worse before there’s a hint that things could get better. But there’s also a chance that things could improve right away. The important thing is to view the good-bye as a launch into a hello — into a new adventure for everyone. There is no reason to assume all change is negative. We can see it as an opportunity to take what one has learned and bring it forth onto a new journey.
I used to thrive on adventures, loving the “Choose Your Own Adventure” series when I was young. I believed I could bound into any new situation with grace and courage, and then rebound from any disappointment or failure like the warrior Katniss Everdeen in the Hunger Games.
Through an abundance of perseverance and a sincere desire to go with the flow, I have overcome a lot. But simply moving through life wherever it takes me with a veritable measure of success is not the success I am talking about.
EMBRACING THE UNEXPECTED
Part of the thrill of a new adventure is the unexpected nature of what is to come. The best adventurers come prepared for anything (as much as humanly possible). And we can put safeguards into the trip — such as nets under the trapeze bars — in case something doesn’t come through exactly as planned.
It’s ironic that when we make room for something new in our lives, we are able to do so because we’ve said good-bye to something else. Have you ever moved to a new city? Saying good-bye to the old one might have felt gut-wrenching, but at some point, the new city stops feeling new and begins feeling like home. Or perhaps you’ve changed jobs and stepped into a completely new environment. You had to let go of the old to embrace the new. Those who have moved overseas have found that the worst way to acclimate is by comparing everything to “back home.” The only way to embrace a new culture is to take it on its own merit, and not compare it to others. The letting go of the old ushers in the full enjoyment and adventure of the new!
Our good-byes, in addition to times of reflection and possibly even sadness, can be times of celebration in honor of our soul’s desire and need for growth and adventure. Like this woman I interviewed for group therapy, I am used to seeing good-byes as a mournful time — even in a therapeutic context! After all, the group members and I miss seeing the group member’s growth when they step away. But groups, just like life, are never meant to be a place to keep people safe from the beautiful expressions of free will and lessons learned.
Jessica Minieri lives in Norwalk, CT and works as a psychotherapist. She loves spending time with her husband, son, and Tibetan Terrier named Oakley. When she is not taking short trips into New York City to explore new ethnic restaurants, she is walking the wooded trails with her family in Fairfield County, CT.