How Lessons Learned from Hardship, Lead to Hope

What’s beautiful is watching someone rise above adversity and turn it into a positive influence on their story.

Photo by Janelle Pol

Back in my high school days, one of my English teachers recommended replacing the question “what is it that you do?” with “what’s your story?” when meeting someone new. I love how this question gently combats the idea that what we do is who we are. Every time I ask this replacement question, people often answer with a story in which hardships are prominent themes of how they got to where they are now. When I think about it, this makes sense. Hardships are highly influential, and for better or worse, we change due to difficult events or seasons. What’s beautiful is watching someone rise above adversity and turn it into a positive influence on their story. 

If I’m being honest, as I’ve grown and experienced seasons of hardship, I never feel like I handle them well on my own. There seems to be a theme in my life: to live life well in difficult seasons, I need to ask for help. When I look back on the past couple years of my life, I see the lessons I’ve learned. God has actively been teaching me through seasons of loneliness, loss, and a global pandemic to depend on him, my greatest hope. 

LEARNING TO INCLUDE OTHERS

In 2018, I worked a long contract on a play where I was the only out-of-state actor in the company. They put me up in a little house on the theatre’s property. It was a dream for my introverted soul, but once we started performances, I quickly realized how much time I had to myself and I grew desperately lonely. The tricky thing about loneliness and isolation is that we become so inwardly focused that it becomes increasingly difficult to admit we are lonely and actively try to get out of it. It wasn’t until a rock bottom moment had me on the phone with my sister that I finally confessed how I felt. Externalizing — expressing our thoughts and feelings — has the power to send us onto a path of healing. I let other friends in on the struggle, and through that season, I learned that loneliness isn’t something you should just push through on your own. I had to choose to include my closest friends in my struggle and actively pursue healing. These are things that take more self-discipline than we think, but they are always worth it. 

LEARNING TO BE HONEST

In 2019 I lost my maternal grandfather, “Papa.” He had surgery in April to remove a cancerous tumor, and due to complications, he never recovered enough to truly fight, remaining bedridden until he passed in August. Most of my family members, including my Papa, live in Oregon. During this time, I was working on an Off-Broadway show, co-writing a cabaret, and launching a production company. I was in creative heaven, but I wrestled with the idea of being across the country while my family experienced my Papa’s decline first-hand. I didn’t know how to handle my excitement about the opportunities happening in New York as they were juxtaposed with the process of losing a beloved man in my life. I needed to grieve but felt detached. My emotions were everywhere. I held on to the assurance that Papa knew where he was going after his death (so much so he asked everyone who took care of him if they knew who Jesus Christ was). Through this particular season of loss, I learned that grief comes in a variety of shapes, sizes, and colors. I learned to be honest about how I felt with my closest friends – that “externalizing” again. I learned that there is no “right way” to grieve and the importance of grieving all of our losses – no matter how big or small – so that we can move forward in a healthy way. 

LEARNING TO TRUST GOD

This past year has encompassed a variety of hardships – isolation, unemployment, depression, endless uncertainties, etc. What I’ve observed during this time is the importance of pushing into the unknown and uncomfortable and not running away, which often takes hard internal work and putting my trust in God. I have learned the value of giving myself lots of grace, how not to judge my emotions as if they alone held moral value, and once again, the importance of externalizing – talking to trusted friends and not trying to fix my brokenness by myself. 

Ultimately, these hardships, though trying and heartbreaking, have pointed me to my hope in Jesus Christ. This hope extends beyond this life and has made me more dependent on God to sustain me in my day-to-day life. I’ve learned that this kind of confident trust and dependency is active and I have a part to play in it., A final note: there is no “I should be feeling” when it comes to processing and working through hardships. - Maybe you’re struggling with loneliness and loss. Take it to God and take it to trusted friends by talking to them both. You do not need to rise above hard circumstances on your own. Sometimes willpower doesn’t cut it – and that’s okay. Dependency and hope in Christ can be your biggest strengths. 

So, back to my beginning question, what’s your story?