What to Do When You Feel Pressured in Love

“How would you feel if I never got married?”

I raised this question with my parents recently.

“Are you thinking of becoming a nun?” my mom inquired. My dad looked puzzled. “Well, I hope you don’t think we’d pressure you to get married, if you truly didn’t want to.”

Pressure is the root of my anxiety -- the stress to live up to expectations. I feel the strain from the city, from media, from myself.

I moved to New York City with two suitcases, a dream, and just enough money for top ramen. I lived in a dormitory run by nuns (hence my mom’s question), didn’t have a job, and felt extremely single. I hadn’t been on a date in three years. Eek!

Meanwhile, Instagram bombarded me with photos of an ex-boyfriend living in the city, buying a house, performing on Broadway, and...yes, you guessed it...who is now happily married.

Cue the pity-party, the whining to mom, and the pressure. I gave myself constant internal pep talks like, “Get it together, D! Prove you’re not a loser!”

KNOWING THE PAIN OF REJECTION

Feeling left behind in life, I had failed. But most of all, I felt rejection.

So when I asked my parents, “How would you feel if I never got married?” my real concerns were:

— Is my success as a woman dependent on my relationship status?

— Am I failing without the ideal marriage I always imagined?

— Am I loved just as I am?

And my dad answered all those questions brilliantly. He summed up with:

“Diana, we care more about you and the health of your heart than your relationship status or your success.”

Relief flooded through me. ... I am truly loved.

When my dad speaks “true love” messages to me, it reminds me of God’s love for me as a Father, too.

DISCOVERING THE HEART OF TRUE LOVE

You may not have a dad who says such loving words to you, but you can know the love of a heavenly Father.

God the Father has the perfect words for his kids when we go to him with our insecurities. His assurances cut through the noise of pressure and soothe the sting of rejection. They help us gain perspective when we condemn ourselves for not accomplishing our relationship goals or for “being behind.” Consider the following:

There is no accusing voice of condemnation.

We have an unbelievable inheritance as his children.

Absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love for us.

Reading those truths, I’m reminded my value is not determined by my relationship status.

My worth is confirmed by God who loves me regardless of whether…

...I live alone in an apartment or I stay with the nuns

...I’m a principal in a show or I stay in the ensemble

...I get married or I stay single, or

...I’m asked out on a date or not pursued at all.

I’m loved and accepted. No matter what.

Do you ever feel the pressure to be in a relationship? Do you ever feel like you’re behind in love?