Why Boundaries in My Behavior Set Me Free
Photo by Janelle Pol
“A fish is only free when it is in water.”
This one phrase, simple yet profound, radically changed my outlook on how I lived my life.
Those who have known me even for a short amount of time discover my natural disposition is towards FUN!! I mean the kind of fun that’s written in all caps followed by several exclamation marks. I want to try everything, go everywhere, and meet everyone! I easily find joy and the silver lining in any and every situation. If something can be made into a spontaneous escapade, chances are I am leading the charge that way. My default mode is the idea that “life is just one big adventure.”
This may all sound like sunshine and rainbows, but I had two years when my boundless enthusiasm led me on a dark and confusing journey. I was looking for an experience that would bring deep satisfaction, although I didn’t realize that at the time. After years of being disappointed by God and what church had to offer — things that I had been told by other Christians were supposed to satisfy — I listened, instead, to a small nagging voice that said I was “missing out” on so much. As I made one small compromise after another, I let my desire for ‘fun’ spin out into reckless and irresponsible actions. In the swirl, I convinced myself I was ‘free.’ I had no restrictions, no boundaries…or so I thought.
BEHAVIOR THAT BOUND
Two years into this gluttonous ‘freedom’ of parties, casual relationships and putting what I wanted first, I came to the realization I had not broken any chains. Instead, I was just bound up in different, heavier ones - those of shame, condemnation, and self-loathing. The latter came when I looked back on how I had used my so-called “freedom” and realized the true consequences. My uncontrolled and unregulated behavior had led to issues in my finances, friendships, and profession, not to mention that I barely recognized myself. I had crossed boundaries I never dreamed I would, all in an attempt to enjoy life to the full. It led me to cry out to God, being too ashamed and afraid to admit the extent of my failing to anyone else. I recognized my need for a supernatural power to break the chains I had allowed myself to be shackled with. I discovered God was willing to help me and he began a process of rebuilding me.
I still feared falling back into my recklessness, because a lack of self-control had given me a glimpse of self-destructive tendencies. I wasn’t sure I would be able to stick with this new God-way of living, which would be more controlled and measured. But, because God is so reliable when we turn to him, he brought people around me to show and teach me how to set good boundaries. I had to do my own part — behaviors I had to cut off completely, and unhealthy relationships I had to, reluctantly, end. I began to recognize certain environments, while not unhealthy in themselves, were places of weakness for me, and so I restricted my access to them.
LEARNING HEALTHY BOUNDARIES
As I set these healthy boundaries and restrictions on my life, I began shedding lies about myself. I saw how I had been trying to be ‘a fish out of water’ because I believed that was freedom, but in fact, it was less than the life I was designed for. But the right boundaries have allowed me to be truly free — to grow in a healthy way and thrive. God’s boundaries are not out to ruin my fun or restrict adventure; they actually set the stage for the fullest life imaginable.
Are you living in a ‘freedom’ that actually grows heavier by the day? Are there tough boundaries you know you need to implement? Did you once have God in your life but decided life with him was too restrictive?