Discovering Community During a Difficult Season

Photo by Janelle Pol

Denial and I are good friends. She shows up most in times of uncertainty when a potentially difficult season lies ahead. So it’s safe to say when my college graduation date hit, denial sat in the seat next to me waiting for her name to be called. That entire day, as well as the next week, was filled with every emotion under the sun: happiness from the feat of completing 16 years of school, bittersweet reflections on my incredible college experience, and excitement mixed with nervousness thinking about the future. But, my friend denial was still at my side.

After the week of celebrations and congratulations came to an end, and I finally cleared my overflowing room, positive emotions began to fade into the background. So much structure had been taken away from me. The idea of “working forever” paralyzed me. Comparison, self-doubt, and the basics of adulthood overwhelmed me. 

I scrolled through job websites like they were social media. I threw peanut butter into almost every meal I ate. I floated through the motions each day in a fog. Depression didn’t completely consume me, but it most certainly reared up in front of me. Graduating from college, I realize, is a huge adjustment, and though I had been careful to weigh all my feelings, the negative ones began to affect me the most and outweighed the good.

I was using denial to help me cope with losing the structure I had known for years through my schooling. Yet staying in denial was leaving me overwhelmed and paralyzed. Denial hadn’t left my side since I walked up on stage to grab my diploma. Graduation signaled that this huge chapter of my life — sixteen years and four in college — had come to a close. I couldn’t deny my new reality any longer.

This is when community came to my rescue.

COMMUNITY FOUND ITS WAY TO ME

The importance of community has been instilled in me since I was young. I have always been drawn to the connection it creates, the strength and love it brings, the togetherness that is as evident in the real-life result as in the word itself. I am passionate about the importance, need, and beauty of community. 

Strangely, after graduating I hadn’t intentionally searched out community. Nor had I expressed to friends or family how I felt, except for cracking jokes about my incessant job search or friendship with denial. 

However, community found its way to me in big and small ways and with frequency — family gatherings, bonfires with dessert, road trips to shopping centers a few towns over with sing-a-longs to tthe Jonas Brothers. Time to hang out with friends popped up out of the blue. A team of women, whose meetings and lives are full of love and empowerment, embraced me. People of important personal meaning serendipitously showed up for me with kindness, connection, and guidance. Even podcast episodes pulled me in. 

THE CHALLENGES DISAPPEARED

These are just some examples of community, which during this difficult time found me. Community can be a single person, large group, or virtual friends. I began to open up with my then-current feelings. I pulled free and forgot about the fog, even if just for a few hours. Eventually, I felt refreshed and rejuvenated. A shift took place internally and externally. Those feelings that had left me unable to tackle the challenges ahead were replaced with clarity, newness, inspiration, and happiness. 

Denial no longer clung to my side. 

What is community to you? Was there a time when community found its way to you during an unexpectedly difficult season?