Being Honest at Work About What is Acceptable

Photo by Janelle Pol

Have you ever had someone say things about another person that makes you uncomfortable? At that moment you realize you have limits on what you will accept.  

This happened to me at work. Talking with my boss about a meeting I had with a staff member, I explained the meeting had not gone as planned. The staff member needed more training for future meetings to be successful. Instead of agreeing with me, he criticized the staff person and her qualities. I spoke up. I told my boss this woman was an exemplary member of the team, and lack of proper skills was not her fault. 

Afterward, I worried that I had been too honest in disagreeing with his assessment of the staff member’s skills. After all, subordinates are not supposed to disagree with their superiors, especially when it comes to personnel decisions, right?

BE INTENTIONAL

I never thought setting boundaries would be so intentional. I always thought boundaries were invisible lines that formed unconsciously over time and became defined in inconspicuous ways, almost like an invisible force field you created to fend off unwanted comments and advances. 

In listening to a podcast with Brené Brown and Russell Brand, I discovered that a boundary isn’t a mysterious line between you and another person. Boundaries are clearly stated expectations and statements. Brown goes into detail describing how a boundary is being open and honest with a person — as when I disagreed with my boss and did not feel comfortable with his statements about our colleague.

SETTING LIMITS IS GOOD

I am also reminded that God says He has given us lines and boundaries. I like to think of these “lines and boundaries” as guardrails for our lives, creating safe spaces for us to live and grow.

I realized in the conversation with my boss that I had set a definition of what I considered appropriate. It seemed he respected the line I was not willing to cross in speaking ill of my coworkers.  After that, he never made degrading comments about my teammates again. Not that he didn’t share them with anyone else, but at least he wasn’t including me in his way of putting down others. And I wasn’t committing myself in ways to him that I knew I shouldn’t be.

Telling someone they make you uncomfortable seems scary, but being honest about your limits is better for all of us in the long run.