Embracing My Black Girl from The Bronx Identity

“…I felt I had to prove to people that I didn’t fit into the ‘black girl from the Bronx’ stereotype I perceived they had in mind.”

Photo by Fletkefoto

We don’t get to choose the family or situation we are born into.

I was born and raised in the Bronx near the intersection of Baychester Avenue and Boston Road. Today, walking down the street, you’ll hear different dialects of patois pouring out of people’s mouths, smell the delicious aroma of jerk seasoning in the air, and regularly see someone in the corner of your eye sprinting to catch the 5 train zipping by. 

Home.

I never thought there was anything amiss with where or how I grew up until I began to travel and meet people outside of NYC. Folks would flash a smile of pity when I told them I lived in the Bronx. The pity deepened on their faces when they learned it was just my mom and I living in our home. Although no one exactly came out and said something was wrong, in some conversations, weird and prying questions made me feel like damaged goods. In others, people outright called the Bronx “dirty” or asked if it was safe. Like...really? Someone even went so far as to say my dad obviously didn’t care about me because he was building a life and family elsewhere in the suburbs of Jersey. Oof. Talk about a low blow.

FEELING SHAME

These conversations quickly led to feelings of shame where I felt the need to add that I lived right outside of Westchester County. Or that although my dad didn’t live in my house, we had a great relationship and he picked me up every other weekend. A huge chip grew on my shoulder; I was ready to lash out at anyone who seemed as if they were going to let out even a peep of negativity about where I came from or my household. But inside, I felt I had to prove to people that I didn’t fit into the “black girl from the Bronx” stereotype I perceived they had in mind. I admit that was hard. What made me believe that I had to be ashamed of being a black girl from the Bronx growing up in a single-parent household anyway? In constantly being on the defense in these conversations, I found it hard to want to discuss my family and where I came from. I looked around at other people’s lives and watched “perfect” families on TV, feeling life had passed me the short end of the stick. Maybe my life was a bad cliche.

The beginning of the Bible explores the topics of identity, shame, the insecurity of “needing more” in order to feel enough and ultimately, a lack of trust in how God created us. Digging into the words in Genesis, I am reminded that my belief is in God, who makes no mistakes. He looks at his creation and calls it good, even when I may be tempted to look at myself differently because of what others say. God does not want me to feel ashamed of how he created me, where he placed me or what circumstances he provided me with. Why? Because as the Bible says, God intentionally sets up our times and places so that perhaps we would seek him, reach out to him, and find him.

DISCOVERING MY TRUE IDENTITY

If I take a moment to stop listening to everyone else so that I can hear the voice of my creator, I am reminded I have been blessed with so much in my family and the place I grew up. Are things perfect? Of course not! But when I get caught up in allowing the voices around me to define who I am, instead of listening to who God says I am and seeing the good things he has given me, I am not trusting that he has given me just enough of what I need. Furthermore, I am aware that had I been born into the perfect life or circumstances I grew up wishing for, I may not know God now. Having everything I thought I needed, perhaps I wouldn’t have seen my need for him. 

We have to choose to quiet the noise of other people so that we can hear God’s voice and what he says about why he made us and placed us where he did. We have to trust he has given us all that we need, even when the world is saying otherwise.

If you are questioning your worth and feeling shame because the world implies your upbringing is no-good, you are in the perfect place to find and be found by God. God offers us a place in his family as his child, his daughter, his princess and as his heir, with access to his timeless treasures of love, grace, peace, joy, and power. By believing in Jesus, God offers us an impeccable heritage that no one can question, demean with a pity smile, or take away.