How Finding the Why in What You Do Can Be Life-Changing
“What we once identified ourselves by is no longer our reality. There is now a void where our profession, pursuits and even our hobbies and social life once gave us self-worth and helped form our identity.”
Photo by Janelle Pol
In New York City, when we meet new people the line of questioning often goes something along these lines…“How long have you been in the city?” “What neighborhood do you live in?” (This is sometimes followed by “How much rent do you pay?” which is a uniquely acceptable question here.) The order varies, but the question "What do you do?” is always asked. There seems to be a cultural pressure to identify ourselves primarily by what we do.
In my experience, there is a more important question we should be asking: “Why do we do what we do?”
In talking with friends, the COVID-19 crisis, quarantine, and even the sudden loss of a career for some of us is causing us to realize that what we once identified ourselves by is no longer our reality. There is now a void where our profession, pursuits, hobbies and social life once gave us self-worth and helped form our identity.
I’ve experienced the depths of a lack of self-worth. Ten years ago, due to a mental breakdown, I spent almost two months in psychiatric hospitalization (my first go ’round in quarantine). When released from the hospital, I endured eight months suffering from intense trauma, feelings of extreme isolation and living off disability benefits. I remember often thinking my life had no meaning, that it would be easier if I just didn’t wake up. But in the midst of the darkest moments, I still heard a small voice tell me that as long as I was alive there must be a purpose for my life here.
I’m so grateful I listened to that voice and continued to press on in perseverance.
PLACING MY PERSONAL IDENTITY IN MY PROVIDER
Now, in this season of COVID-19, I feel compelled more than ever to share my journey and the healing I have experienced. I host a weekly Facebook Live conversation called Mental Health Mondays. In addition to comments from friends who relate to my story, I have received many direct messages from people who are helped and encouraged by hearing my journey and the discussions it is generating. That is incredibly fulfilling.
I also learned how unhealthy it was when I anchored my personal identity and sense of financial security primarily in my career. A few years ago I found myself in the midst of deep internal conflict as staying at a job called into question personal convictions. As I agonized whether to give up the job, I sensed God inviting me into something that seemed both scary but also freeing. I heard him say, "Trust me. Don’t trust this job to be your provider or identity.”
And when I did follow God’s leading, leaving that job proved to be one hundred percent the right thing to do. The day after my last day in the office, my co-producer and I attended a providential meeting and booked an Off-Broadway run for Revelation: The Musical. Taking a step of faith in God put into motion something incredibly meaningful and life-changing, and it also brought an opportunity to impact many others.
I learned from that experience that I like being a person who walks in faith and conviction.
A DIFFERENT RESPONSE TO CAREER DETOURS
In this global pandemic, theatre and live events are among the hardest hit with what looks like long-term ramifications. Once again, I find myself at a crossroads in my career path. As I reflect on a season of a career ‘detour,’ I sense God’s voice saying “Be thankful.” God’s promises assure me of his provision and that he will take care of me in the changes. I just need to trust and — what I’ve done all my life — adapt. But what does that look like in this current situation?
I once thought it was good to have an answer to the age-old question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Not having a solid response felt like a lack of focus. But an inability to place a professional label on ourselves can actually energize us. We can love the journey, not just the destination. We can love jumping into something new and finding a way to make an impact.
I’ve experienced a winding career path, from TV production and publicity, to marketing and advertising, non-profit and theatre operations management to Off-Broadway producing, and even more sprinkled in between. Throughout it, I’ve seen how diverse experiences can help others achieve what they have been called to. I am now using my professional journey, with a love of strategy and ideation, to launch a creative producing and consulting company, Level Ground.
There’s no doubt that this pandemic is giving us an opportunity to pause and re-evaluate our lives. We can take a step back and acknowledge the sense of worth and identity we’ve previously sought in our careers. It’s a precious and rare opportunity to realize our identity must be placed in something far more permanent and unshakable. When we look to God for meaning, we find that our value isn’t in what we do but rather in our why.
When we answer our “why” we can also ask ourselves, “Who am I becoming in the process?”
Through my life’s journey, God has shown me I have innate worth that is completely independent of what I do. And my life experiences have led me to value perseverance, conviction, and helping others.
Maybe right now you’re thriving in your chosen career, or floundering because your prospects have disappeared in a global pandemic quarantine. But no matter what we do, there can always be a purposeful why to what we do. That can make life meaningful and help us to become the kind of person we want to be. We might not know the purpose in the immediate moment, but that doesn’t make it or us any less valuable.
In our new normal, let’s try something different. When we meet people, let’s ask about more than just what they do for a living. Let’s dig a little deeper to find out why, because our value doesn’t lie in the what as much as the why.
Melissa is from Southern California but has called New York City home for 5 years. After working in online advertising she made a career shift to theatre and made her Off-Broadway producing debut in 2019, as Co-Producer of Revelation: The Musical. She is the host of Mental Health Mondays, a weekly Facebook Live conversation about all things mental health and recently launched Level Ground Strategy & Creative Producing, where she partners with individuals, start ups, nonprofits, and brands to help take ideas from concept to reality. She loves calling Washington Height home, and spends as much time as she can by the Hudson.