Finding Reliable Affirmation in Your Professional Life and Beyond
“When I stopped looking to the world for affirmation, I became a better version of myself.”
Photo by Janelle Pol
When I was about 7 years old, I took a gymnastics class. My goal was to learn how to do a cartwheel like the other girls did in my neighborhood. I worked hard to learn the fundamentals of gymnastics, starting with the somersault. Mine was not elegant, but I conquered the movement sufficiently. Unfortunately, my hopes of learning the cartwheel were soon dashed. My body simply would not catapult into the air in a fluid rotation from foot to hand to hand to foot. At the class’s parent night, I remember walking out of the building with my father saying, “Cheryl, I just don’t think gymnastics is your thing.” This was my first failure.
Thankfully, that is the only discouraging word that I remember my father ever saying to me. I had parents who routinely encouraged me and told me I was capable. Yes, of course, they suffered from parental bias on occasion, but even so, the impact of their encouraging words gave me a foundation of affirmation that would feed my soul for years to come.
FEEDBACK IS A GIFT? NOT SO MUCH.
After graduating from college, I began my career, excited to learn and grow in skills and leadership. I was confident that I would be a good student, and my bosses would be good teachers. But it didn’t work quite that way. I soon experienced the “performance review” process. You know what I mean — the one hour that begins with one short example of a recent contribution you made, followed by 55 minutes discussing your shortcomings, labeled your “opportunities for improvement…”
When I was promoted to the General Manager level, I was employed by a large food corporation in the greater New York area. My boss promptly introduced me to my new industrial psychologist who would write an 18-page report on his assessment of me and my “opportunities.” For the next twenty years, I would remember his #1 recommendation: “Wear silk suits.”
The workplace did not offer much affirmation or encouragement that fed my soul for the journey.
THE SOUL AFFIRMATION
Like many, for a long time I sought affirmation from other people. At work. At home. At church. From friends and family. And I was routinely disappointed. I’ve come to understand this life lesson: if you look to others for affirmation, you will not find them to be a reliable source.
Affirmation for adults comes from our spiritual journey where we discover that:
We are uniquely designed by the creator of the universe. Like the bumper sticker says: God doesn’t make junk.
We’ve been given a design that is exactly right for our life’s purpose. The maker of all things has a role and a responsibility for you, a place where you can make immensely valuable contributions.
We all fall short and have areas of opportunity for growth, but our God offers us patience, grace and forgiveness.
We have been given a remarkable role model for living this intentional life in Jesus. He challenges us to ignore the misguided teaching of the world in favor of the counter-culture, real-life examples of the Son of God.
We are loved, encouraged and affirmed by this Audience of One.
THE DIFFERENCE IT MAKES
When I stopped looking to the world for affirmation, I became a better version of myself.
I was more confident to seek opportunities where my strengths could make a real difference. In the interviews, I focused on sharing my strengths in strategy, innovation and team-building with specific examples of how I could contribute. I stopped explaining away my weaknesses, and assured my bosses I would partner carefully with others and listen to their counsel to balance my strengths.
In leadership, I decided to aspire daily to be a leader who affirms the strengths and capabilities of others. I would work to carefully place people in assignments where those strengths could contribute best. My performance reviews would be thoughtfully prepared and given with care and grace.
I reconciled the tension between my roles at work and at home by leaning into my God-given design. I would share my strengths at home as well, and commit to developing my daughters into godly women who understand their unique design. I would be their encourager and helper.
And finally, I learned to give myself more grace, just as God gave me. I have made mistakes and fallen short of my capability, but I don’t have to earn forgiveness for my shortcomings. That work was accomplished by the resurrection. I am forgiven and offered eternal life, love, and acceptance in the arms of the Father.
I hope that you will discover the same peace in your faith journey.
A TRUTH TO AFFIRM YOUR SOUL
Rise up today my sister, knowing that you are loved and worthy. God is singing your praises.
Be affirmed forever in this truth.
Have you had a bad experience looking to the world for affirmation? Tell me more.
Cheryl Bachelder currently serves as a board member at US Foods Holding, Inc., Pier 1 Imports, Inc., and Chick Fil A Inc. She is the former CEO of Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen, Inc. and the author of a best-selling leadership book entitled Dare to Serve: How to Drive Superior Results by Serving Others. She is mentor to many leaders and mother to three grown daughters.