Silencing the Lie “You are Not Enough”
“The truth is you are enough. You have worth. I would like to personally stomp on the lies telling you otherwise. I would like to silence the voices that are holding you back.”
Photo by Janelle Pol
At some point in my early childhood, I started believing a lie. I don’t know how or why the lie came about. I don’t know exactly when it came into existence and whispered into my tiny ear. All I know is that it spoke to me and I believed it: “You are not enough.” To that voice, I replied, “Yes, you are right. I will work hard to be enough. I will strive for excellence and perfection. I won’t make mistakes. I can fight my way to being worthy of love.” At the time, I didn’t realize in making this agreement with myself that I was taking on the disease of perfectionism. Years later I would have to untangle myself from this agreement in order to pursue a healthy and fulfilled life.
Perfectionism is defined as a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable. More accurately, it is a thief that robs us of experiencing true life. It strips us of our freedom to grow and learn from our mistakes. It thrives on keeping us fearful and entrenched in shame for falling short.
THE EMPTY PROMISES OF PERFECTION
For most of my childhood, I put excessive effort into the pursuit of being enough, and it worked. I made straight A’s, played starting line-up on a competitive softball team, placed first in piano competitions, and excelled exponentially in my dance studies. I was thriving and on fire. But I felt absolutely exhausted, and my achievements did not satisfy me.
The problem wasn’t me. I grew up in a volatile environment. Anger, resentment, and bitterness were ingrained into the walls of our stucco home. I did not receive much-needed nurturing from my parents and I desperately sought their attention and approval. The problem was I subconsciously thought being the best I could be would fix my broken and messy home situation. No matter how hard I tried, no matter how many A’s were displayed on my report card, the real problem of not knowing my worth sat unfixed, staring at the face of my eight-year-old self.
It wasn’t until I prepared to graduate college that I came to a place of self-awareness and realization that I had been believing a lie about myself. I attended Florida State University and majored in Finance and Entrepreneurship — just what a logical, practical perfectionist would study. As I interviewed with several prestigious companies and obtained many lucrative job offers, I felt dissatisfied and unhappy. I didn’t want these jobs. I didn’t want this future. To continue on this path felt like a death sentence. This path was not my dream. I knew, in my gut, I wanted more than anything to pursue dance and perform professionally. The thing is, no one ever told me I was good enough. And I certainly didn’t believe I had what it takes, so I settled for the practical pursuit of business and numbers. I was good at that too, but it was utterly boring and unfulfilling.
THE VOICE OF TRUTH
One conversation with a mentor was a turning point during this confusing time. As I shared with her the heaviness of my heart and my yearning for a different dream, she said, “So do it. Pursue that dream.” I just needed to hear those simple words. It meant someone believed in me and thought I was enough.
It is a pivotal moment when you learn to accept yourself as you are. I had been praying for a while for God to show me what my next step would be. I prayed he would speak truth to me. He spoke to me through my mentor that day. The words “You are enough” came from above. And I am so grateful he delights in me, his work of art. He loves and welcomes you and me exactly as we are.
Ten years after that conversation, I am now a professional artist who has trained and performed in Los Angeles, Las Vegas, and New York. I have shared the stage with Lady GaGa and toured the country on a national tour. I say all of this because if you asked twelve-year-old Holly if she thought this goal was possible, she would have laughed at you and stared behind wide, wire-rimmed glasses. She would have thought you were crazy. She would have thought it wasn't a practical or wise path. She would have thought “I am not enough.” I’m so glad she didn’t keep believing that lie.
What lies have you been believing about yourself? The truth is you are enough. You have worth. I would like to personally stomp on the lies telling you otherwise. I would like to silence the voices that are holding you back. I would like to whisper in your ear a million times, “You are more than enough.” If you have a dream or passion and have held back from pursuing it because you don’t feel worthy, it’s time to give it another look. You are enough! Don’t wait on someone else to tell you this. That time may never present itself. Don’t miss out on what is waiting for you. In God’s eyes, you are worthy of love and belonging. You are deserving of pursuing your passions and wildest dreams.
Rub some spit on your hands. Dig your heels into the earth. And beat your chest. Shout loudly for the world to hear, “I am enough.” Keep saying these words until you believe this truth.