Finding New Friendships When You Choose to Have a Faith

Photo by Janelle Pol

On our last morning together, my friends and I laid snuggled next to one another admiring a breathtaking view of the red Sedona mountains outside our window. We were nearing the end of a road trip to celebrate a birthday. In that quiet moment, I heard God’s tender whisper say, “This is love, Bria. This is best friendship.” I immediately wanted to jump out of my own skin. “This is stupid,” I said to myself. 

We all long for good friendships — people we can truly connect with and be wholeheartedly ourselves — and of course, I am no different. As I battled with whether the moment was real or not, I thought about how my friendship with these ladies began. 

THE COST OF GETTING SERIOUS ABOUT JESUS

Almost four years previous, I decided to get serious about my relationship with Jesus. However, my decision to pursue Jesus came with a cost. Many friends who I had known for years had a hard time understanding why I was changing and being so “extreme” about my faith. 

I wanted to read my Bible daily and actually begin to apply its wisdom to my life. I wanted to go to church consistently and hang around Christians who made me feel at home and embraced me as family. I longed to rid my life of activities that I knew weren’t good for me, but engaged in because I desired to belong, fit in, and feel wanted. 

“But you believe in God and you’re a good person, right?” My friends asked me, “Isn’t that enough?” 

It wasn’t. 

I wanted them to understand. My surface-level faith left me feeling empty. I was tired of trying to fill the voids with perfectionism, people-pleasing, and striving to always be in control. Furthermore, numbing myself with overworking and excessive drinking, drugs, and sex left me worn out. I wanted to be free. I longed to truly live! However, desiring a different direction for my life came across as both judgment and rejection of my friends. There was a lot of misunderstanding on both sides. 

I knew I desperately needed to grow closer to God, and I wanted my friends to be happy for me, support me, and even come on the journey with me. But as I focused less on what people expected of me and more on what God wanted for my life, many of my friends told me, in one way or another, I was no longer relatable. Decade-long friendships began to dissolve.

“Friend” became a hard word for me. Feeling abandoned, I went into self-protection mode. I kept most people at arms-length. And if I’m honest, I resented God too. I had become more dedicated to him and somehow, I was the one losing out. “So now you’re going to take away my best friendships, God?” I asked.

And for several months, God replied through words in the Bible, “Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new. It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it? There it is! I’m making a road through the desert, rivers in the badlands…” Isaiah 43:18-19 (MSG)

THE GIFT OF FRIENDS ON THE SAME JOURNEY

The truth is, I needed people who would come on this new journey with me. My old friends, although good people, weren't going where I was going; therefore, they could not genuinely support me in the journey God was leading me on. My ties with them meant I could not be free to pursue God with my whole, undivided heart. With those friendships I was tempted to live two different lives — trying to please both them and God. My life could have easily become a performance, putting on masks and shapeshifting depending on who I was with in order to be accepted and seen as “cool.” And there were moments when I found myself in those compromising positions. But I knew that’s not what God wanted for me, nor did I want it for myself.

The new friends God brought into my life — including the ones on the road trip — do encourage me to give my all to Jesus, even when decisions are hard and don’t always seem like the most fun or cool. They understand because they are also daily pursuing a genuine relationship with him. 

Are our friendships perfect? Absolutely not. Like any other friendship, we have bumps in communication, misunderstandings, and moments where we hurt each other. Nonetheless, even though we have ups and downs, our common love for Jesus holds us together, allows us to be honest with each other, and helps us to build one another up instead of tearing one another down.

On our last morning together, I felt vulnerable as I lay there next to my two friends. Memories of being abandoned came flooding back. I began to question the authenticity of the moment and my friends who were genuinely trying to love me. I wanted to run from the possibility of being hurt again. But their bodily warmth as they cuddled me and the spiritual warmth of God’s love were overwhelming. In that moment, God’s spirit let me know I didn’t have to be afraid of their love and it was safe for me to accept and sink into the moment. All I could do was lay there, surrender, and quietly cry with joy.

Making and standing by a commitment to God still has painful moments. But Jesus promises that no one who gives anything up for the sake of him will lose out. Instead, we’ll get it all back -- multiplied many times over. I didn’t understand what God was doing back then, but now I have a best friend in Jesus and sister friends walking this journey with me for a lifetime. That is definitely gaining back what I had multiplied many times over, making trusting God through it all worthwhile. 

Are there any hurts from your past that may be holding you back from embracing the good in your present?

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If you want to explore this topic more, check out this list of articles from our August content on building community and deepening your friendships.