How to More Than Cope with Coronavirus Fear
It’s my first spring in New York City. The trees are turning pink and white and that neon green that tells you winter is laying down for a long nap. But the people aren’t out, and the restaurants and shops are closed. Only at the park is there a sense of normalcy that quickly fades as I walk back to my apartment building, up the stairs, and settle in for another day of staying in.
The worst part isn’t the shuttered restaurants and knowing more about medical masks than I ever thought I would. It’s not knowing when the city will bustle again, when we might see the smiles or frowns of our neighbors — anything but masks, and if or when we will get the virus. You can’t see the majority of people’s faces, but there’s fear in their eyes and in the six feet of space around them.
I’ve never considered myself a fearful person, but I have to admit that my move to New York brought me to new levels of anxiety. The city provided me with a variety of new little fears: getting the laundry done before it rains, getting on the wrong train, finding the right friends in a city of 8 million, picking the right shoes for the commute and the weather, and just wondering if the creative pursuit is worth it all. But those challenges seem so small now, eclipsed by a more universal fear: getting sick….surviving.
The worst. What might be or what might not be. Right now we all fear what might happen to our jobs, our economy, our health or that of a loved one. In more certain times we might be more inclined toward the fear of things not happening: not getting the job, not having our potential realized, not finding the apartment with great amenities (if we’re honest).
But “certain” times are only an illusion, as is evident now more than ever. And our fear is in direct relation to the control we only think we have over our circumstances. When things spin out of control or go differently than we planned, moving from order to chaos, fear can paralyze our control-needy minds.
While there are times that this new fear keeps me up at night, wondering when it will dissipate, I do know what to do and who to turn to.
I can remember as a child waking up in the middle of the night, fearful of the hallway creaks or the closet that housed my grotesque imaginations. But my groggy small self knew what to do. I’d walk down the creaky hall, enter my parents’ room, and stand before my mom, telling her what she already knew. As a child, it was easy to express my fears — so natural to take them to someone bigger. As an adult it’s more difficult to say I’m afraid, yet just as easy for my mind to head straight to the closet and assume the worst is inside.
So how do we overcome fear, or at the very least, learn from it so we are doing more than coping? The answer is in our childlike instincts. Fear forces us into reliance.
My mom would take my hand, walk me back to my room and tuck me in with a prayer and the assurance that I was okay. And I believed her. I relied on her to tell me the truth. I had put my faith in her without even thinking. We are not meant to go through this life alone, global pandemic or not. We are made for community, and I’m noticing how these circumstances ironically reinforce that. I’ve sent texts asking for prayers and acknowledging fear more than I can ever remember doing, and have received messages of the same. If we repurpose fear to drive us into the arms and prayers of a loved one, a friend or the arms of God, we will find not shame and shallow platitudes, but real peace and comfort. We will find God to be true when he says, “In this world you will have trouble,” and we can also believe that “he has overcome the world.”
We all planned to write a different chapter than the one that’s unfolding. Our cares right now are real and for some, unimaginable. Voice them; let others bear them with you. Be like a child who, without thinking, arrives at her mother’s or father’s bedside expectant of peace and assurance. Go to God in this childlike way and you will find the comfort you need from the one who holds the whole world, even now, in his hands. I know this to be true.
How has your experience been in the city during Covid-19? What do you find brings you peace?
We are delighted to welcome Christina as the newest member of the RADIANT team. She brings many skills and great wisdom to her role as Editorial Assistant as she pursues writing in NYC. She also writes music and lyrics and is working on a musical. Christina lives in Yorkville on the UES.