Where to Turn When We Fear Death
“Death no longer has power over the world, and because he promised us life, it means we can trust him with our own demise and a life that is to follow.”
Photo by Janelle Pol
Death is hard. Period.
I experienced my first death at the age of 15. No TV show, book, or conversation could have prepared me for the jarring reality that my friend who I was just looking at and talking to existed no more. I was sad, confused, and scared. As my teenage world turned upside down, I looked around at others for a sense of direction and security. But everyone seemed to be falling apart at the seams, and that scared me even more. If I fell apart too, I had no idea if I would be able to put myself back together. Instead, I decided to numb myself, refusing to cry in front of others and attempting to be strong for everyone else. I justified my actions with thoughts like “They are having more of a hard time with this than I am, so I should be there for them.” “I wasn’t that close to her anyway.” Putting on a mask worked for some time.
As life would have it though, death hit me like a ton of bricks. Another friend in college. Three childhood friends within a span of six months. Both of my great-grandmothers within three weeks of each other. A friend from church, and my aunt’s assistant on the same day. I felt my mask cracking relentlessly as built-up sorrow, confusion, and fear bubbled to the surface.
Then, in May of last year I was told that my uncle hadn’t been answering his phone or door for days. I learned two hours later he had died in his apartment. My mask mercilessly fell off. I drank every day that week.
Later on, as my family gathered in mourning, my grandma and aunt told us that when they found my uncle, it looked as if he was just sleeping. He had his arm under his head and his other hand lay peacefully on his chest. There was even a slight smile on his face. On hearing this, relief immediately rushed in. I too began to slightly smile and tears of joy welled in my eyes. It suddenly made sense. I knew my uncle wasn’t afraid of death. Days before he died, he told my grandmother, “I’m not afraid of dying…because I know I’m going to see my mom and God.”
Twenty years before he passed, my uncle had made peace with God. After a heart attack at an early age, he left all that he knew about his previous life to follow God and never looked back. From that point on, my uncle desired to honor God with his life — living as he felt God instructed him to in the Bible: telling everyone he could about God, and serving and encouraging everyone around him. It was really hard to know he was no longer with us because he was a light, a rock, and a pillar of faith in my family. But when the time came for him to go, he had confidence and peace about where he was going.
My uncle’s confidence and peace came from knowing Jesus.
In the Bible, Jesus says he is the Resurrection and the Life. He goes on to say: “The one who believes in me, even though he or she dies, will live. And everyone who lives believing in me does not ultimately die at all.”
The Bible says Jesus died for us and returned to life three days later. In doing so, he destroyed the power of death over humankind. Death no longer has power over the world, and because he promised us life, it means we can trust him with our own demise and a life that is to follow. This was the hope my uncle had in believing in Jesus. We can have this hope and peace too, even as we mourn our loved ones or approach death ourselves.
You may ask “But what if my loved one didn’t believe in Jesus before they died? What happens to them?” I’ve struggled and wrestled deeply with these questions too, and to be honest, I don’t have all the answers. What I do know is that the Bible says God is loving, just, and merciful and he takes no pleasure in the death of anyone.
As for you and me right now, we still have an opportunity and a choice. If we choose to believe in Jesus and give him our fear of death, we can have hope, peace and joy in what is to come after life here on earth — just like my uncle did.