How Much Do You Love Yourself?

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When we value ourselves, we are more inclined to set healthy boundaries to protect ourselves in our relationships and elsewhere.”

Photo by Janelle Pol

On one end of a “loving ourselves” scale,

we’d say we shouldn’t love ourselves too much because then we are selfish or narcissistic. On the other end, we can spend a lot of time beating ourselves up, telling ourselves we’re not good enough, and berating ourselves over things for which we’d easily forgive others.

When we don’t love ourselves sufficiently, it can mean we don’t have the boundaries we should. We settle for less than great with a guy because “I don’t deserve anyone better.” We put up with stuff that doesn’t satisfy us and can even hurt us. Before we know it, we’re doing things that go against what we believe, or we’re asking “Why did I do this to myself?” When we value ourselves, we are more inclined to set healthy boundaries to protect ourselves in our relationships and elsewhere.

EXERCISING SELF-LOVE

Here’s a little exercise:

Say to yourself “I love you.” I know, sounds a bit weird. But doesn’t it make you feel different? For me it starts a healthy internal dialogue with “I’ve been pretty rough on you this week…” 

Each morning when you get out of bed, tell yourself “I am going to show myself love today.” The thought immediately softens the hardness of the day ahead — going out onto the busy, noisy streets of our city, working with a difficult colleague, or going on a date with a guy who, although we find it hard to admit, doesn’t make us feel great about ourselves. Sometimes we rely too much on love from other people, which often is unreliable. We can rely on ourselves. If we want to use a buzzword, we can call it self-care. What self-care are you giving yourself today?

But, more than relying on ourselves for love, there is a love “out there” that we can tap into, and that love helps me to love myself. Knowing I am loved regardless makes a world of difference.

EXERCISING GOD’S LOVE

Here’s another exercise: 

Each morning when you get out of bed, say “God loves ME; he really does.”

Believing in the love God has for me and you is one of the most difficult aspects of having faith. It’s easy to think he is harsh, cruel even, ticked off with our behavior and more interested in us keeping a bunch of rules. But God loves us with abandon, even if we choose not to return his love. He pursues us with a passion — even if we ignore him.

And when I feel I don’t fit in, or that I’m not good enough, that’s when I have to look at the people Jesus chose to hang with: misfits, misjudged, miscreants. I can remind myself I am worthy of his attention, not because I’m better than those people, but because I feel more like one of them than a “good” person who God and Jesus would surely love. 

It’s more than believing in my head. Love needs to stir my heart. And so, my heart leaps when I remember the day God showed me he loved me too much to let me live a life without him. That was the day I decided to believe the words “God loves ME; he really does” and to enjoy his love.

The God of the universe is not out to ruin my life, but to restore me to life. 

I’m going to be really honest. I still need to be reminded that God loves me. So I am going to join you in the daily exercise above. Let’s go on this journey of self-care together.

I love these words I read the other day:

Receive the love that frees you to live in the truth of who you are.