Human Trafficking under the Guise of Dating

“I’ve realized how thin the line is between what could feel like an exciting dating relationship and trafficking. There are times when what seems like a blooming relationship can turn into something dangerous.”

Photo by Janelle Pol

Human trafficking feels like a big, intimidating justice issue. It encompasses the exploitation, coercion, and manipulation of over 25 million survivors and untold numbers still stuck in this form of modern-day slavery all around the world. Sometimes it is hard to connect with big issues like this. Obviously we can be empathic toward these situations, donate to nonprofits on the ground combating trafficking and supporting survivors, and stay vigilant ourselves. But are we, or our loved ones, ever at risk?

My journey in the anti-human trafficking world started when I was in college eight years ago. My experience included fundraising, survivor support, and starting a branch of an economic empowerment program for survivors in North Carolina.

Most recently I was able to put my graduate school studies to use in an internship where I worked on a game meant to serve as a preventive trafficking tool for teenagers. As I’ve been working on this game, mostly doing research, I’ve realized how thin the line is between what could feel like an exciting dating relationship and trafficking. There are times when what seems like a blooming relationship can turn into something dangerous.

RECOGNIZING WARNING SIGNS

Have you ever had a conversation with someone you are attracted to, yet something didn’t feel right? Dating can leave us feeling all types of ways, and sometimes our body will send us warning signs that something is off. However, other times we do not pick up on these signals, or maybe there weren’t any danger signs at all. Suddenly we find ourselves in an unsafe situation.

The term “luring” in human trafficking is the first stage when the trafficker gets to know their possible victim. The trafficker wants to know what her or his vulnerabilities are, what past traumas are present, how much this person lets other people in on what is going on in their life. From this stage, the trafficker moves onto what is called “grooming and gaming,” when the trafficker makes this person feel special and cared for. Soon after “grooming and gaming,” the script is flipped and everything the perpetrator learned about their victim in the first stage is used to manipulate them into a dangerous situation against their will.  

There has long been a taboo of women talking about sexual assault, of being able to speak openly and loudly about their dating lives, and until recently, a very low understanding of consent. 

HAVING OPEN CONVERSATIONS

The topic of consent and the ability to ask questions about dating and sex may not feel directly tied to something like human trafficking, but they are very much a part of the conversation. It is often because we are not encouraged to speak openly about these topics, or because we don’t have trustworthy, transparent resources, that we can more easily be taken advantage of by bad players. The inability to discuss these situations can keep us trapped in unhealthy and potentially extremely toxic situations.

What can we do to keep ourselves and our friends safe? Personally, I think being able to discuss dating, sex, and relationships with friends openly is important. Having trusted sources is important. When you see a friend in a potentially risky situation, say something. Perhaps they were just waiting for someone to care enough to say something. Open communication with those we trust can help to keep us safe from outside harm. As women, we can break long held taboos of what we are willing to share with others and what boundaries we set for ourselves in relationships. Let’s cultivate relationships where we can be honest with our friends, and have the courage to go to trusted people when we are in need.

If you are concerned for your own safety, get in touch with the human trafficking hotline - phone number: 1-888-373-7888. Or to learn more about an organization that serves New York City, contact Restore NYC.