Steps to Replacing Accusation with Affirmation

Photo by Janelle Pol

“Hello failure, my old friend.” This slightly twisted version of a Simon & Garfunkel lyric sang its way across my mind as I finally made it to the end of a brutal week. You know the kind — one of those weeks where everyone and everything seems determined to grind you down. 

In particular, I had received personally tragic news, physically worn myself out launching a new collection at work and, throughout it all, an unjustified torrent of criticism and accusation from my superiors poured over me. 

I reached Friday night and crawled home to hide under my duvet with every unfair comment from the week replaying in my mind (along with Simon & Garfunkel). Negativity had taken root and I felt weary and angry. I obsessively practiced conversations where I made my defense to the charges brought against me.

That was one side of the debate in my head. There was another side, too. A voice of accusation said things that I’m sure many of you hear, like: “Yes, yes you are a failure.” “You are messing up and it’s all your fault.” “No one really wants you around.” “They are trying to get to you to quit.” 

SHUTTING DOWN FALSE CONDEMNATION

These kinds of thoughts are nasty and powerful. However, you and I have a choice in how we react to these negative thoughts. There is a way of shutting down any false condemnation we throw at ourselves.

First, see your negative thoughts as just that: false. Not every thought that crosses our minds is valid or worthy of consideration. Just because we think something doesn't make it true. 

No doubt you already know this, but I was slow on the truth and quick to believe the lies. What did it mean that I was thinking like that? What was wrong with me? It’s an easy spiral downwards. I believed my mind couldn’t lie to me, which is the biggest lie in itself. I realized I lie to myself all the time, especially when dwelling on claims of inadequacy. 

Second, realize it’s easier to fall into self-accusation when we outwardly receive critique, whether it’s helpful or not. It’s common to make up falsities about ourselves, and it's a whole lot easier to simply make an agreement in your heart with what others have spoken over you, regardless of how true it might or might not be. 

So when accusation comes from without and within, how on earth are we supposed to know what voice to listen to? 

There is a biblical principle of “taking every thought captive” and this has become central to my thinking. Like training a muscle or practicing a skill, I have been training my mind so that when an accusation like “you are a failure” pops up, I can silently counter it with a solid NO. 

COUNTER THE LIES WITH TRUTH

However, we can only counter lies about ourselves if we know the truth about ourselves. 

The truth can be found by anyone who looks for it, and the Bible is full of thousands of affirmations against accusations that say you are nothing. For every criticism that comes your way, you can find at least five more encouraging  truths in the Bible counteracting the accusation. And because God is only able to tell the truth — it’s who he is, not just what he is — when he says you are full of worth and value and precious, know you can believe him. 

I believe these truths. I make a decision in my heart to acknowledge and accept what God says about me, and because this is the Truth, no accusation thrown at me, whether internal or external, shall stand. It’s the same for you.