Taking the Pressure Off Yourself
Freedom means being willing to consider something unscripted and a brand new path. If your plans have taken an unexpected turn or your goals have drastically changed, it’s okay.
Photo by Janelle Pol
We would all probably agree that we want to be “free.” For some of us, it might be having the freedom to create our own schedule, or go where we want to, exactly when we feel like it. To others, it might mean freedom to re-examine our life at an even higher level than just our schedule: what should our life look like? How do we want to live our life?
What I’ve come to realize is freedom looks different for each person. Being able to accept that is freeing in and of itself. I continually work on letting go of my ideas of how things should be, and it is indeed freeing to not put pressure on myself because I think it’s what I “should” do. I want you to experience that freedom as well.
The recent lockdown due to the coronavirus has been a new experience for me, and probably for you too. The main challenge I’ve personally encountered has been keeping an infant and a three-year-old occupied without being able to take them places. We have a house and a backyard, which have proven to be huge blessings during this time. But it has still been challenging to maintain my sanity while being confined to such a small space. So how would I define freedom for myself right now? Honestly, it means I am learning to put less pressure on myself to do things I feel a mom “should” do. I am grateful I sense the freedom to adapt to the schedule and energy that works best for my family. It has meant feeling comfortable with my reactions in the present moment and taking care of my emotional needs, especially when both my boys are crying. It has meant letting go of guilt for allowing my toddler to watch TV so I could rest or focus on my colicky infant. It has also meant accepting that some days I will be able to cook a relatively healthy dinner, and on others, I will be grateful for frozen pizza that can be thrown in the oven. As I look back on this time, I am thankful for feeling comfortable in my own skin and confident that the choices I am making in the moment are the best ones for my family at that time.
So where do you need to experience freedom by putting less pressure on yourself? What adaptations need to be made to your schedule so you have more energy? Learn to be aware and comfortable with your reactions in the present moment. Take care of your emotional needs. Let go of guilt when your day doesn’t go perfectly. Learn to feel comfortable that your choices are the best ones for this current time.
UNEXPECTED TURNS
I like to have a plan and structure to my day and, honestly, to my overall life. I am an ISFJ (Myers-Briggs) and a 1 on the Enneagram. I am a perfectionist and a people pleaser by nature, which causes me to fall into the pattern of structure with little flexibility. So, for me, freedom at times means being willing to consider something that is unscripted and on an unbeaten path. I’m slowly learning that structure is helpful for some things but not for others.
When I graduated from college and started out in my public relations career, I had a rough idea in my mind about how I wanted my career path to look. Those plans took a left turn years later as I realized that was not the best fit for me, but a counseling career was. When I started studying counseling in graduate school, I thought I had my career mapped out — I would start a private practice specializing in trauma therapy. Those goals have drastically changed as I’ve worked in the mental health field, gained valuable experience, and learned more about the type of counseling I would be best suited to provide. I felt immense freedom in being able to go through those experiences, learning about myself and taking that knowledge to make informed decisions. I learned that it’s okay to change my mind and switch careers. My experience was not wasted simply because I decided to stop working in public relations. In fact, many of the things I studied in school and experienced in that career have been very helpful so far in my counseling career. It can be the same for you. Freedom means being willing to consider something unscripted and a brand new path. If your plans have taken an unexpected turn or your goals have drastically changed, it’s okay. Learn from those experiences and use the knowledge to make informed decisions for the future. Allow yourself to change your mind and switch careers.
Being on lockdown due to the pandemic has given me time to slow down. Being able to accept that this is good for me right now has been refreshing; however, I know that for some, it has been the opposite. Part of living in freedom is having the ability to accept that your experience might be completely different than another’s experience with the same thing. Being able to respect that difference is key, and it helps to build relationships when people realize we are open to other viewpoints.
Freedom means that you stop putting pressure on yourself to conform to what you think you should be doing, and instead do those things that align with your values and priorities. For me, that means I’ve examined what is valuable to me, and I’ve decided where I will and will not put my energy. What will you decide is valuable and where will you direct your energy?
Carly Graham is a licensed professional counselor in northern New Jersey. She holds a Bachelor of Science degree in communication studies from James Madison University and a Master of Arts in Biblical counseling from Dallas Theological Seminary. She and her husband Jonathan live in New Jersey with their two sons.