Doing Life Well with My Best Friend

“Building relationships takes time, vulnerability, humility, commitment, grit, and a whole lotta prayer and patience.”

Photo by Thought Catalog

Deep down, I pride myself on being a people person. While I do believe I have a genuine interest in and curiosity about others, that does not necessarily mean I am naturally invested in other people. Building relationships takes time, vulnerability, humility, commitment, grit, and a whole lotta prayer and patience. 

One of the relationships I cherish the most has also been one of the most difficult — the one with my best friend. 

Our friendship started magnificently. We were in our early twenties; we both loved cafes and alternative tunes. She thought I was interesting, and I love to be thought of as interesting! So we clicked on the surface initially. As we continued to get to know each other better, I began to see how jealous I was of her beauty. She is thinner than I am, has beautiful curly hair, lighter skin, and gorgeous green eyes that capture everyone’s attention. I, on the other hand, am shorter, a little thicker, my curls are denser, my teeth gapped, and my skin has its own unique shade of brown. At that time, I believed my robust and lively personality captured people’s attention, not my physical beauty. But I always wanted to be really beautiful, and my new friend represented a beauty I always wanted but never had. Now don’t get me wrong, I didn’t want her features per se; I wanted the attention that she got for them —especially the attention she received from guys. 

At the time our friendship began to blossom, I started to fear the guy I was in love with was interested in her. You know there is a proverb that says “Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?” More than anything, I believe jealousy is a true and present enemy that gets in the way of fulfilling relationships between women. 

What is more, I told myself that I didn’t need to talk to her about it. But the more we didn’t talk about jealousy, insecurity, our hurts, and our needs, the more our friendship suffered and the more, I believe, it grieved God.

As I look back on our relationship over the years, I now choose to take responsibility for the ways I allowed jealousy of my dear friend’s physical beauty get in the way of our relationship. 

My relationship with God and Jesus has helped me view my friendship differently, to be vulnerable with the people around me, and to develop authentic, intimate relationships.  

A HEALTHY BALANCE

As I reflect on our friendship now, I can see the ways in which God has helped both of us to grow in areas of security and vulnerability. God took on the ultimate vulnerability by giving his Son, Jesus, so I could have an authentic and intimate relationship with him, even though there was no guarantee I would take that opportunity.

There were times when my friend would do something that bothered, hurt, or annoyed me. Yet, instead of telling her about it, I’d either react by becoming more distant or I’d be mean to her. To make things worse, it started to create bitter resentment in my heart when she’d come to me with an issue. I’d think to myself, she tells me every little thing that hurts her. I don’t do that to her. There was an imbalance in our friendship because of the lapses in communication. I’m learning there needs to be a healthy balance of vulnerability and openness, as well as the ability to overlook certain faults and offenses. I don’t speak from a place of arrival, but from a place of experience as I’m learning to embrace this balance even more now. 

As our friendship has grown, I’ve learned to be vulnerable with her about things that hurt and upset me. I began to share my heart with her more, and this included telling her when I was feeling jealous of her, or when I was tempted to compare myself to her. This has helped us trust each other and love one another. The result is a beautiful, yet still imperfect, growing, intimate friendship between two women. In this godly friendship, I receive love, understanding, accountability, and acceptance, and I’m learning to give them as well.

RELATIONSHIPS AND REFLECTIONS

God in his love and mercy has gently shown me my faults and wrongdoing in this relationship. He showed me how jealous and bitter I can be. Furthermore, God showed me my wrongdoing stems from deep-rooted insecurity and hurts. He has used this friendship to reveal these hurts and sins, not in an effort to harm or shame me, but to heal and change me so I reflect his goodness. I believe this is the true purpose of relationships. A proverb tells us, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Good relationships help us to become aware of ourselves and aware of the needs, faults, and beauty of other people. They help to broaden our perspective of life. Relationships are not always easy, but they are worth it. 

What relationship do you need to work on?