Choosing to Say No to the Voices of My Insecurities

“And the good thing about insecurities? We weren’t created with them! And since we weren’t created with them, we can definitely unlearn them.”

Photo by Janelle Pol

In general, I would describe myself as an insecure person. By that, I mean that I’m afraid of what other people might think of me or how they may respond to a particular aspect of who I am. 

One insecurity I have overcome is the fear that people will think my smile is unattractive because I am gap-toothed. I wasn’t always insecure about my gap. As a child, I had no problem flashing full, wide, and unashamed cheesy smiles for school pictures. I would even put objects in between my gap! No one had ever told me there was something wrong with it, so I had nothing to be ashamed of. 

As I got older and more sensitive to other people’s thoughts of me, my own thoughts about my gap changed. Classmates would tell me I had an ugly smile. My dad would comment on how I needed braces. Other family members would make negative comments about my teeth. So the thought, “Hmm, there is something wrong with my teeth”  started to set in. And slowly but surely, that unproductive self-consciousness started to take root. 

I stopped smiling. Or rather, I hindered my smile. I’d curl my lip over my teeth or I’d cover my laugh with my hands. I never smiled in pictures. I believed the lie that my smile was ugly, unwanted, and something to hide, all because I didn’t know it was a lie. 

I believed that lie until I was 21 years old. 

THE TRUTH ABOUT INSECURITIES

The tricky thing about insecurities is that they can be based on lies that sound true, especially if they are planted by people we love and care about. 

And the good thing about insecurities?  We weren’t created with them! And since we weren’t created with them, we can definitely unlearn them. 

I don’t remember when it clicked — when I finally realized my smile was beautiful — but I do remember my college friend Eva. She had a gap, too. It was smaller than mine, but she embraced hers. That impacted me in such a positive way. In fact, my close friends in college never made negative comments about my gap. Looking back, I believe it was this positive reinforcement that helped my mind begin to change. 

As time progressed, I learned more about other women who had gaps in their teeth, and how they didn’t like them but eventually learned to embrace them. I was inspired. I then began to understand that I, Kourtney Naomi, am a piece of art. A beautiful piece of art. I was designed and hand-crafted by God. God handpicked every detail of me, including my gap. When I thought my gap was ugly, I was believing that God’s artwork was ugly.

As my mind began to change, so did my actions. I began laughing out loud, without my hands cupping over my mouth. I began smiling in pictures — bold, big smiles. I began hearing people compliment my smile, my laughter, my exuberance. People were telling me that my smile, my gap-toothed smile, was beautiful! It still is, and I embrace it now because from heaven-to-earth, I know it’s true. 

ENGAGING IN THE BATTLE

And so, I am learning to say “no” to the voices of my insecurities. I try to think about what the Bible says about how God views me. Psalm 34:5 NLT says "I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears. Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces." This verse helps me by guiding me to look to God for help, by reminding me to pray to him, and then to listen to what he says. Its words give me hope. I am learning to trust that he will free me from all my fears and insecurities. 

This is one tool that helps me focus on what is true about myself instead of what is a lie. I have not yet fully overcome all of my insecurities, but I am engaged in the battle, however long it may take. 

I am learning that God’s words are truly the only words I need to listen to. They aren’t harsh. They’re actually sweet, and I mean honey-sweet words. Scripture describes God’s words, what he says, what he thinks, like this: “How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!”

We have a choice. We can choose to listen to the lies we are told, lies that we adopted from an outside source. Or we can choose to listen to the truth of God by learning what the Bible says about God’s thoughts for us. I strive to do the latter and I hope you will join me.

So, who are you listening to? Are they telling you lies? Are you choosing to believe them?