Discovering a Love that Holds Nothing Back
“They held nothing back from me or from anyone they welcomed into their home and because of that I learned so much about what it means to be less selfish and more self-giving.”
Photo by Janelle Pol
At Jesus’ last meal before his death, he got down on his knees to wash his closest friends and followers’ feet (including Judas, who he knew was going to betray him) and charged them to serve one another in the same humble way.
These men wore sandals amid all kinds of dirt, sand, city, and country roads. They didn’t have the GQ hygiene our NYC men have today so we can only imagine the crummy state of their feet.
But Jesus being Jesus, took on the role that only lowly servants at the time would fulfill, and washed their feet anyway.
Shortly after, he said to them, “I give you a new commandment—to love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. Everyone will know by this that you are my disciples—if you have love for one another.”
AN OTHER-FOCUSED LOVE
The word “love” in these words has been translated from the Greek word “agape.”
According to the Bible Project, agape love is not merely a feeling for someone else that happens to you i.e. “I fell in love.” Genuine agape love is an action that seeks the well-being of others without expecting anything in return, especially those who can’t repay you.
Agape love is the type of generous love that reflects the very heartbeat of God: an others-focused, selfless love.
As I wrote in A Lesson on Learning to Receive Love, this was the type of love I received from my boyfriend’s friends, who I now am honored to call my friends.
This family opened up their home and their hearts and lives and never, ever expected anything in return — not even my trust or love.
It shocked me and my family and friends as their behavior was something none of us had experienced before. I was constantly asked whether or not I was imposing on them: “They have such young kids and they’re letting you stay with them for three weeks?” “Why don’t you just stay with your boyfriend?” (topic for another time) “You don’t think you may be inconveniencing them?” “Who are these people?”
I sometimes found myself spiraling in those anxious questions, too.
But this family would affirm me and my presence, saying they enjoyed having me in their home. They even bought me a coffee mug with my initial on it and a Ralph Waldo Emerson quote to tell me so: “The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it.”
Twice, I only planned to visit for a couple of weeks and ended up staying double the time because they asked me to.
This family allowed me to become comfortable with them, build trust with them, and open up to them on my own time. They never tried to get something out of me that I wasn’t ready to give.
Their generosity wasn’t because I’m so great or did something amazing for them; they barely knew me. It was based purely on their love for God, and for me, overflowing from their hearts. They held nothing back from me, or from anyone they welcomed into their home, and because of that, I learned what it means to be less selfish and more self-giving.
SELF-GIVING LOVE
Self-giving love is what we see in Jesus’ life and death. Throughout his life, he held nothing back from us, not even his own life. He surrendered his life to save us from death, without us even having to love him first.
There is nothing we could ever give or do to repay him. He wants us to receive his love simply as a gift and in grateful response, to hold nothing back from him or one another (1 John 3:16) In doing so, Jesus redefines and reclaims love from being merely transactional.
Agape love is evident in people whose lives have been touched by Jesus. By this love, we will be able to determine his true followers. Following Jesus is not about reciting Bible verses from memory or attending church every Sunday. It is about extending love in our relationships that is radical and countercultural. It calls us to extend our hands and love first, with no expectations or fear.
It’s possible to give agape love when we believe and know Jesus already freely lavished and continues to lavish his love on us, even though we haven’t done anything to deserve it.
Now when I come into my boyfriend’s city, it’s not a question of where I'm staying. My friends tell me not to ask if I can come anymore, but instead to tell them when I'm coming.
When I say I’m in their home, they reply back and say “no, you’re in our home.” My name isn’t even on the lease! I don’t pay rent there! But to be welcomed and taken in, in such a radical way, even though I have absolutely no claims or skin in the game, reminds me to do nothing else but praise and bless God’s name that he puts this type of love in our hearts and allows us to be capable of receiving and giving it.
Deep down, agape love is the way we all want to be loved — at face value, not having to prove anything.
Being loved by God and people in this way continues to challenge me in what it means to love others in a way that isn’t about me and what I’m getting but instead, is about God and what he gives — no strings attached.
Born and raised in the Bronx, Bria lived in New York City for 26 years before recently moving to Philadelphia. She works remotely for the Vermont-based, Population Media Center, an international nonprofit implementing entertainment-education to improve the rights of women and girls and environmental sustainability. Outside of work, she can frequently be found traveling, spending time with family and friends, working out, enjoying a good glass of wine, and seeking to understand how to deepen her love and knowledge of God.