How to Navigate Change and the Uncertainty of a New Normal
“Right now in our dynamic world, becoming adaptable to change is necessary for us to move forward as empowered women.”
Photo by Janelle Pol
Change is a word that is often met with trepidation. Why? We like predictability. But as we all know, especially during this pandemic, it seems that change is all we can predict for the short-term future.
As a therapist, the word change has a lot of positive attributes for me personally and professionally. Even though change is difficult, it is not impossible. I know from experience; I was able to make significant emotional changes with the help of a skilled therapist. It was not easy, but my life is incredibly better for it. As I have often reviewed with my clients, change typically happens in stages. One of the most helpful models I use to teach clients about change is the stages of change. I have found educating myself about each of these stages to be helpful as I navigate through my own changes. My hope is that learning about these will be useful as you encounter and embrace changes brought about by the pandemic.
Although most commonly used during the treatment of substance abuse clients, I’ve found the stages of change model to be applicable to almost any type of change. It helps to realize change is usually not linear and can feel messy. It also helps to normalize the complicated feelings that come with change. So with changes brought about by the pandemic, referring to this model of change helps us to accept the uncertainty of this new normal.
Stage 1: Precontemplation
“I don’t need to make changes in my life.” This stage is when no actual change is happening in the area in which change probably does need to happen. During this pandemic, most of us have been forced to make changes to our daily life that we would not otherwise have chosen. In this context, the precontemplation stage of change could sound like: “I don’t like the fact that I should probably make changes right now in my life in order for it to be tolerable. Therefore, maybe if I ignore what’s going on it will go away and I won’t have to make these changes.” Trust me, I feel very tempted to do this. The biggest thing I have a hard time accepting is the uncertainty of what my schedule will look like. It’s easy to want to block something out by trying not to think about it.
Stage 2: Contemplation
“Maybe change isn’t such a bad idea, but I need to figure out what it will cost me.” This stage is when someone is weighing the pros and cons of making a specific change. They are aware that change needs to happen, but they are asking themselves if the benefit is worth the cost. This is the stage where I most often see clients stay for long periods of time. Someone could stay in this stage their whole life. An individual might consider “what if” scenarios regarding change. For example, many schools are making customized plans about how to re-open in the fall in response to the pandemic. The contemplation stage in this scenario might look like: “I want the next school year to look like the ones before, but it probably won’t. I know school needs to look different to keep everyone safe, but what if I don’t like working online? The physical and face-to-face interactions mean a lot to me. I want to figure out a way to accept this and work with it while accepting how different it will be.”
Stage 3: Preparation
“I am going to make this change, but I need to figure out my plan.” This is when someone starts to seriously consider how to make the change happen or accept the change. It might mean that they start to eliminate relationships, places, and things that could trigger them, or perhaps it means they are actively developing awareness of living in the moment so they know when to change their actions. The preparation stage right now could look like: “In order to adjust my schedule, which means isolation from others and not being able to engage in my favorite activities outside my home, what can I do to enjoy a few of those things at home instead?”
Stage 4: Action
“I have established a new behavior pattern.” This is when someone is actively implementing their plan. This feels like a dance because one day she might be able to stick to her plan, and another day she might backslide. The key to maintaining the desired changes is to acknowledge this dance and keep on moving forward. For example: “I have decided that I can visit with a friend or two as long as we sit several feet apart with masks on” or “I can engage in an activity with a friend while we are on Zoom or FaceTime together doing the same activity.”
Stage 5: Maintenance
“This new way of doing things feels like second nature now.” This stage is when the individual feels comfortable with the change because it seems to be a part of them. It feels natural. “I’m used to doing a lot of things differently now — not because I want to but because I have learned to adapt to these times, even though it’s not been my first choice.”
Stage 6: Relapse
“I veered away from the positive changes I made but I’m self-correcting.” Self-awareness, acceptance, and self-forgiveness are all crucial in this stage. We’ve all been there, and we can acknowledge the reality of relapse and get up and try again. “I didn’t socially distance yesterday when I visited my good friend and I regret it. But I will strive to do so the next time I consider seeing someone.”
Change is difficult – that is why we resist it. But change can be good. I’ve seen how working hard on becoming emotionally healthy changed the trajectory of my life for the better. I believe that change is always possible, no matter who you are and what you’ve been through. Right now in our dynamic world, becoming adaptable to change is necessary for us to move forward as empowered women. One of the normal feelings about change is ambivalence - disliking those changes one minute and learning to be okay with them the next minute. These are some of the feelings that I’ve experienced. One of the good outcomes I’ve seen come from this pandemic is having time to converse more with friends and family due to not having commutes and our normal, busy schedules. Being able to do this has been rewarding, and I’m starting to think about how I can connect more with friends and family once life gets back to “normal.” Throughout this strange time, we can frequently be reminded how all these changes discussed are not linear. They are messy and confusing. But then we’re reminded this is how life is — confusing, messy, and at times, very beautiful as a result. We can take comfort from the fact that we are all in this together, encountering a “new normal” and navigating how to adapt to unexpected changes. What also gives me comfort, and is available to you too, is knowing God is good and calls me to trust Him each step of the way because he is in control. That knowledge gives me the most peace, and in turn, empowers me to take the next step.
Carleen “Carly” Graham is a licensed professional counselor living in northern New Jersey. She holds a Bachelor of Science degree in communication studies from James Madison University and a Master of Arts in biblical counseling from Dallas Theological Seminary. Her past experience includes working at a psychiatric hospital as well as an outpatient mental health program. She is married to Jonathan and they have two sons.